+Monday, August 09, 2010+
Happy birthday Singapore !!!!! How do i spend this weekend? er... it was okay, a restful, relaxing weekend with all my love ones. Jus that it's a petty not being able to attend sunday service which Joyce told me it's interesting.
I have been reflecting on myself lately and i realised i have indeed changed to become a better person. I no longer clubs, i seek for a healthier lifestyle, i run regularly. There is more peacefulness within mi. Thank God !!!
I have stopped talking to "da bian" already. LOL ok that's very mean of me. But it is seriously nothing compared to how much he has hurt me. He has found another girl for him already. I become more determine to give up. Love has to be reciprocal. There is nothing i can do. Every girls belong to a rib bone. I believe i can find my rib bone soon. :)
I am glad that i have found good friends on the way. They are there to spare listening ear, share little things with mi.. appreciate them.. I have not lost everything, i have gained something valuable.
Lastly, I am thankful that my Mum's health is picking up. I hope she recovered soon.
.mmei huii bloggedd @ 11:59 AM.
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+Sunday, April 25, 2010+
i bet my blog mus be filled with millions of spider webs. yes it been long since i last blog.
so how have i been lately ? hmmmm....... probably slightly depressed, but still trying to move on. This year was indeed a bad year for me.. i have lost faith, i have lost trust, and most importantly i have lost friendshipssss.
indeed credibility takes a lifetime to build but a moment to destroy.
To A: I was filled with hope a couple of times, but the effect would be double once ur hopes are trampled on the ground and once again disappointment starts to sink in. we were once pretty close but i guess this closeness cannot be continued once i start feeling worthless in front of you. It seems like i am a pain to you. I started hating myself when i cant let you go, that i still cares for you. nevertheless, i know we cant go back to the past anymore. You once made mi feel like a princess, but then again, and now you have made mi feel like some dirt. you know that i am hurt , you know that i will be hurt, but u nv fails to take a dagger to stab it right into my heart.
To B: I seriously dunno what you are up to. you have disappoint mi the most! you kept telling mi u were innocent and that i cant see things on the surface. You are always a sensitive person, but then again, this time you have let mi down. you once mentioned "he is a bastard, but u are not a bitch". i also do not wish to conclude u are a bitch. probably you jus wanna enjoy the attention given. anyway, once bitten twice shy, i doubt i can find back the trust which i have in you. Facing you makes mi inferior of myself.......
"goodbye to my 2 "once close" friends" , all the best to you!
.mmei huii bloggedd @ 5:09 PM.
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+Sunday, February 07, 2010+
God! i have no one to turn to but to turn to you. I think i have lost myself, and i hate the current mi. I often feel insecure, i am often fearful. I often have nightmares becos of him. This kind of feeling sucks big time!
when will i be able to recover? should i forgive? he msg mi yesterday stating whether am i still mad at him, stating am i very unhappy being his friends....... i really dunno....... i seriously dunno.... i hope i can get over him soon... and bring back my true self....
.mmei huii bloggedd @ 7:25 PM.
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+Monday, January 04, 2010+
this place has probably been a place for mi to vent my frustration
my heart inevitably feels the pinch when i hear that he actually give something to ms x. though it is something free, but it is really the thot that counts isnt it. all i received from him is a box of sweets. that's all. as compared to wat ms x has received, it's really nothing.
i suddenly feel that i have lost something which was once precious to me. he is not longer yours, he will no longer bug u on msn, no longer ask u out, no longer msg you, no longer ask how is ur stomach, no longer tease mi, no longer wait for mi to finish up my work and head home together, no longer introducing mi to good places to eat.... have i given him out to someone else?
i seriously dunno when i can get over this, it's a real misery to me. i seriously dunno how ms x is feeling towards him though she mentioned that she will not like him ever. but i kept wondering, if she has no feelings for him, would she still give him gifts even if he gives ? would she continue to talk to him even though she knows that he is a lan ren and he is my ex? why doesnt she make it clear to him ? well, it is her freedom of friends, i can interfere much. I am in delimma. I wan to know how is their degree of friendship now, whether do they still talk often on msn, do they actually go out together ?? on the other hand, i dread knowing what he has said to her. i dread hearing what he has done/said to me in the past being repeated to ms x.
I dun hate both of them, cos i know hating someone will make mi more miserable. I know somethings cannot be forced. What's yours is yours. but then why do i still feel so miserable now?
if i know this process is tough, i would not step into it at all. Pain....
.mmei huii bloggedd @ 7:19 PM.
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+Friday, January 01, 2010+
happy new year !!! i seriously hope that for this current year, i would be happier!!! a lot of things happened in the previous year, i hope the current year would be smooth sailing for mi.
new year resolution
1. Lose 5kg in half a year
2. Pass my CPA
3. To gain more knowledge, expose myself more to other things, find out things when in doubt
4. Become prettier
5. hahaha.....to find someone who can treasure mi better and forget about the past
I know he has hurt me, i know we can nv be together anymore, but i know i still love him.
.mmei huii bloggedd @ 11:06 AM.
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+Wednesday, December 16, 2009+
Received an email from Xin and i went back to reread my blog. I was taken aback to see the number of entries posted about him and mi and it seems like i was feeling pretty down while writing those entries. Anyway.. thanks peeps for the concern. I am really feeling better. I know healing takes time. jia you bah !!!!
.mmei huii bloggedd @ 4:51 PM.
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+Thursday, December 10, 2009+
hm..... i think.... i have become a person who cant really express my emotions in front of others already....i think my friend called it yu yi zheng.. i am quite surprise that deep down though i am very sad.. i can laugh and joke ard with my colleagues. His name can appear many times in the conversation but then, there isnt any sign of depression.... why is that so ?? mmm.....
i am sad, sad that it ended real fast, sad that i felt some kind of cheated, sad that i cant get to know u better, sad that you dun seem to bother.... when will i be happier.... i am now very afraid of being alone when i am alone, i feel depressed, i think more, i teared more..i seriously dunno how to face you.
.mmei huii bloggedd @ 10:40 PM.
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